Chinese English gibberish

I brought a cheap MP3 player from the Tottenham court road computer fair. Its in the style of a mini ipod but obviously not as nicely engineered, it seems to work OK though. Inside the box there is a fold out piece of paper - the instructions, or "Usage primer". Here are some of the descriptions of various operations.

Reset: With Hold The switch stir HOLD Position, Call back home postion again. The, Press in the meantime Menu button and center Button invite 6 second, Untioil screen top emergence Marking.

Turn on to carry on the back a light light. Press any button or usage point to turn dish according to type

Jump to a song or the video frequency arbitarilyposition. From "BE broadcast" The screen press a center button. Thenusaage the pointtum lish to turn to move the song or the video frequncy arbitarily position according to type.

(image of laptop connection) The conjunction arrive the USB port of computer with constitution also start refresh.

The Daily Wail, 15.10.09. Credit Crisis - One Womans Story

Its been a full year since Gordon Brown bankrupted the country and many people have a story to tell. One particular personal tragedy stands out from all the others - that of the green suited bowler hatted model who used to be the face of junk mortgage lender Bradford and Bingley. In a Wail exclusive she talks about what its like to be one of the faces of economic catastrophe.

"When i first got the job i was overjoyed. They didn't want me to be associated with any other brand so i was paid a retainer and only required for photo shoots every now again when there was a marketing drive on the latest Buy-to-let or self certification products. Call me a little vain but i was chuffed to bits when B & B plastered my face all over the London Underground in a new initiative, this time to attract savers, i guess i should of put two and two together and realised that if they were all of a sudden marketing to savers then there must have been something very wrong."

Within a few short weeks of her biggest exposure ever Bradford and Bingley had collapsed and the UK taxpayer was lumbered with its toxic mortgage book.

"It was a nightmare - the media had my face everywhere in that bloody ridiculous outfit, its just got worse and worse as the economic disaster gathered pace. B & B was the only bank that had a human face so when there was any kind of general analysis of the situation in the media it was me that would be put up as a background image, my face became synonymous with disaster - Toxic Lending policies!, mortgage defaults!! increased taxation!!! its just went on and on."

Despite her best efforts she found that publicly owned toxic mortgage assets was a look that just wouldn't wash off.

"Who was going to employ me in anything like what i was doing with B & B? With such negative associations i was a brand managers worst nightmare. I tried working on the continent but didn't get on very well when people i was working with learned of my past. I remember being picked on at drinks night one evening by a load of models who lectured me on how a hyperinflating housing market is not just very poor economics but morally repellant and socially corrosive."

Now living in Hull and married to a Taxi driver she looks back and just thinks she was plain unlucky.

"I was having a great time in that green suit and bowler hat, i didn't for a minute think there anything was wrong with promoting buy-to-let and self-certification mortgages, that there would be far reaching personal consequences for myself. There was a alot of programmes on the TV at the time - nothing seemed unusual or out of the ordinary.

New Bicycle, well sort of..

Check out my long trusted cycle, i've had this traditionally styled touring bike for 11 years and it has served me well on countless day rides, mini tours and the occassional extended trip.

Then the other week there was a loud clunk and all of a sudden it didn't feel so good, the seat tube had snapped:

Now, it just so happened that i had retained the the original documentation and over the years this had been sloshing around in the bottom of my tool box so that everytime i clawed around for spanners i could help but notice the warranty statement which says: "This frame is guaranteed for a period of 15 years against faulty materials or poor workmanship". Well, i know 11 years is long ime and i didn't really want to make a fuss, but (a) i haven't got any spare money for a new frame and, (b) a warranty is a warranty - i hadn't abused the bike in any way, there must of been some slight defect somewhere. Sure enough after recieving my emailed photos the manufacturer agreed that they should give me a new one. Aside from a new headset and replacement bottom bracket all the components transfered OK and i must say i'm very pleased with the results. The new frame is better quality 631 tubing over the 531 i had before and has the more contemporary slighty sloping top tube geometry, i rekon i'll get a new rear rack though - get it ready for a bit of summer touring. Here it is fresh after the build.

Brown & Darling's Miracle Economy Roadshow

They're Back!! yes folks the UKs greatest comedy duo return with what promises to be their biggest ever sell-out tour.



They'll make you laugh. They'll make you cry, and by the time the show is over you will think that taking a blowtorch to bundles of fifty pound notes is funny.

This show is not just a regular routine of all new gags; no, you'll be splitting your sides as Brown & Darling make it all up as they go along.

Here's what people have been saying:

The comic timing was excellent. They bail out Northern Rock then the housing market goes into decline. Brilliant! Ed Foxton, estate agent.

Trust me, i've been pissing myself since day one. Frank Tudor, hedge fund manager and investor in Granite bonds.

I quite literally gave up my home for a ticket. Janice Smith, Ex. Labour voter & Northern Rock mortgagee.

expatwannabe comment to historic post

My logging on this evening led me to review the few comments that have been left here and i found a very fresh one by expatwannabe to my post from last summer entitled "Britain - What a Shithole" I thought it was an interesting comunication and thought i would put it up on the front page, I assume expatwannabe doesn't mind, thanks for popping round.

This country is a shithole which will only ever get worse as long as it is ruled by plutocrats who live in a ‘safe’ bubble which is so far removed from what the voting majority have to endure day by day.
I get sick and tired of the nimbys who constantly harp on about how we should embrace diversity and welcome immigrants with open arms as they have so much to offer us. The pratts who spout this shite would cause uproar in their village halls if an immigrant site was proposed within a 50 mile radius of them, worried about the crime rate and the affect on the property prices.
The UK is now officially the dumping ground of the world, with all and sundry arriving at our ports and raising their hands high and screaming ‘ASYLUM’, just before they drop their raised hands outward to claim their lovely benefits.
Hang on, we are a relatively small water-locked island in the middle of Europe and most of these parasites arrive here having travelled from other European ports, where they have already escaped whatever persecution they were running from. How come some of them are willing to risk their lives to get over here strapped to the undercarriage of a train travelling at 125 MPH, when they have already escaped their so called persecution and arrived in France? They are not being persecuted there, nor are there lives in danger in any way over and above what they would be in the UK, so why do they want to come here so badly? Bit of a no-brainer really, its just that the immigrants of the world are more than aware that the state benefits are more generous here than anywhere else, and that our government is a soft touch.
That’s the immigrant question answered, but the same state benefit nonsense means that the system is abused on a larger scale by our own home grown parasites, who make a healthy living from mugs like me who go out an earn a living. It seems that breaking a fingernail qualifies you for disability, or incapacity benefits these days, or if you are a single mum with 5 kids by different fathers, you can earn a good living simply by being a slapper.
If you are a thug, a chav, a repeat offender, a druggie, a kiddie fiddler or even a murderer, worry not as some do-gooder will see that you are well looked after and that your human rights are not abused. Sod the victims of crime, sod the Gary Newloves of the country, sod the hard working tax payers who keep this country afloat and sod honest people in general, as they are the easiest for the government to target simply because they are honest.
The message that goes out in the media every day is that crime pays, as the consequence really isn’t that bad at all, cos in the unlikely event you are brought to justice, your punishment is 3 meals a day, SKY TV, leisure facilities etc.
The police are lethargic and ineffective at best, but lazy and useless on the whole, probably as their hands are tied through beaurocracy and a ridiculous amount of paperwork, which keeps them from policing duties.
The Muslims want the Islamic flag flying over Downing Street and now they want Sharia Law in this country as well, with idiots like Dominic Casciani the Archbishop of Canterbury, backing this ridiculous notion.
I could go on for days here but I close with a message to Gordon Brown, WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE and listen to the people of this country and stop pandering to the parasites and misfits of the world who are trying to make fools of the British government.
Stop burying your head in the sand and make a serious effort to stop the rot and turn this country around, by leading with the courage to say enough is enough to the scumbag element that exists in this country, both home-grown and imported.

Marketing in the Film industry

I guess you could say i would roughly be with Bill Hicks on marketing but i wouldn't go so far as to get up on a soap box about it, i am a salesman of sorts afterall. However, when it comes to creative endeavours serious people need to draw a line around their work to stop the marketeers from turning it into another product and those who just unashamedly make 'product' need to wise up to the damaging effect of allowing too much influence from the people charged with putting bums on seats.

The biggest offender at the cinema last year had to be Atonement. I wasn't familiar with the novel on which it is based rather I just took it at face value based on a couple of brief reviews i read and the clips that were aired on television. The problem I had with the film is basically that viewers are essentially presented with a twist at the end when it is revealed that the storyline played by Knightly and McAvoy is actually a invented one by the thrid character; Ceilia's sister, Bryony. Now, i've hated this kind of surprise in a film since M Night Shyamalan's 'Sixth Sense' on the basis that the twist is such an enormous shift of focus that the only option available to the viewer is to entirely dis-regard the main body of the film. Although Sixth Sense can probably get away with this device (because of the type of film it is) Atonement can't; events in the film are portrayed not only as real but also the subject matter when in fact they aren't either, for me this felt like a massive con, not only a fraud but also a catastrophic flaw in the film. I think clues as to why the director and production team went along with this ridiculous premise can be found in the way the film was/is marketed. The poster for the film featured a lovelorn Keira cupping her face mirrored by McAvoy bravely fighing in occupied France, who cares if this is not what it is about - its a sure fire way to sell it. The idiots are still at it now that the film is available to buy on DVD. Ladies, fill me in here but isn't a movie about a lifetime's worth of guilt not such a good idea as 'the perfect gift for valentines day'? Unforgiveable is what it is.

Don't even start me on those 'War On terror' inspired films. 'The Kingdom' which has the tag line 'how do you kill an ememy who is not afraid to die' is intriguing given the fact that suicide bombers don't appear in it. As for 'Rendition' i would say that the second parallel plot of how characters are linked by the Egyptian square bombing was a blatant Inarritu lift and after thought when they realised that the film they had was fuck all. And if anyone has any clues whatsoever about Robert Redfords 'Lions For Lambs' i might be vaguely interested but what do you reckon the budget was on the Hindu Kush mountain top scene, anyone want to raise me on 500 bucks?

I went to see 'Cloverfield', wouldn't recommend it but it was a trailer beforehand that led to me to this post. The idiot marketeers are out in full force for the forthcoming Star Trek film. The trailer is a teaser for the CGI to be deployed with a panning shot of the USS Enterprise docked in a space hanger with sparks flying as panels are welded to it - "Under Construction". But your going to have to wait folks because after this news we are told that the movie will not be delivered untill..................Boxing Day 2008. Don't these idiots know that consumerism breeds dis-satisfaction, that no CGI fest could ever live up to such a promise. I'll be carefully timing my entries to the cinema to avoid the trailers for the next 11 months.

I'm looking forward to new David Gordon Green film 'Snow angels'. A recent conversation about birds flying in formation reminded me of a scene in his second film 'All The Real Girls'. DGG is a class act - his films are all set in rust belt USA and he does some amazing things with the camera, you need to crank up the volume on this youtube clip and stick to the end to get the thing about birds flying.

Christmas cheer

I suppose if your a kid or have kids then Christmas could be something vaguely resembling what its cracked up to be in the festive M&S tv ads. I Guess a bit of time off work is welcome but for me personaly this is nothing to get too excited about as I'm self employed, and anyway i should imagine that for alot of people the cost of the festivities equate to many hours at the corporate grindstone anyway. As for the whole commercial/consumer side of it in the high street, and lets be honest, its pretty worrying don't you think? - people being compelled to franticaly rush around buying all kinds of crap whilst jingles blare out from every orifice. If people enjoy the indulgence of excessive boozing and partying then why doesn't everyone just decide to do that all year round?

Anyhoo, i'm off to southern Spain so i'll get some better weather at least, yes i'll have good time getting pissed up and eating in the best places, so it will be a merry christmas i suppose, and at a push i guess i could wish good tidings on others, there i said it.